You, within me.

Thank you for giving me faith
Thank you for listening to all the things I had to say
Thank you for treating me well, and taking care of me
Thank you for giving me hope
Thank you for helping me stay sane
Thank you for doing what nobody else can
Thank you for helping me stay happy
Thank you for getting me through all my problems
Thank you for giving me light in my life, and being there to guide me
Thank you for letting me feel unique
Thank you for listening to all my hopes, and my dreams
Thank you for granting me all those requests that I asked for (I appreciate it, so, so much).
Thank you for listening to me late at night, and (hopefully) granting me forgiveness for all the bad things I've done
Thank you for letting it go when I end our talks early because I'm falling asleep, or I'm to impatient to go on for long
Thank you for helping me recognize the beauty in others, and loving the less than perfect
Thank you for helping me love the woman in me
Thank you for being the most beautiful thing, and presence, in my life
Thank you for letting me be human and making all the mistakes that humans make.



Thank you for never, ever letting me down, as far as I can remember. Thank you so, so much.

You've made me a happier person, happier than I ever was. I'm so glad I encountered you long ago. Following you and the things you stand for was the best decision I've ever made. I'm close to tears writing this, getting it all out, even though it's in an online blog. I promise I will write this down in paper at some point soon, and present it to you the proper way.
I love you, and want to follow you forever.


Ευλογημένος να είναι

Skipping 3rd

I can't figure out which one makes me laugh harder





Jacob, please don't kill me for putting these on here hahahahahaha




I had a really nice time, just lying out in the grass with Ashley, Jacob, Mackenzie, and Nathan. Just talking and enjoying the sun. I wasn't feeling that well so it was a relief to just not go to class :] eeek I'm still sick now!

Content

Talked to youuuuu today :]
Got ice cream with Sylvie
Lunch with Kyrah
Feel like I did good on that math quiz
Aesop Rock is on my iPod
The best kind of tired
Drinking bottled water
Natalie Portman rap
New mix CD
Blog making no sense?





"Cause he notices that a cookie tastes better when itʼs stolen"


Goodnight <3

The feeling

I love the sensation of holding a chocolate ice cream cone in your hand, and licking it.


And tasting it, of course :]

So in love

with the sun :] I adored the weather today. It was absolutely PERFECT. Sunny, warm, but not too hot, and just amazing.
Taylor came over at about 2, and my dad dropped us off at Oakway. We spent most of the day there, it's actually really fun there if you're with the right person. I'm really glad I have her as a friend. She's my favorite person to talk about boys with :] I like how she knows who just about everyone is, and doesn't get all prude/weird about things we talk about. I don't have many girls like that as friends!


I hate watching fights between people I know. I'm watching one on youtube, between two girls I know (it was last year), and it just kills me. I can't help but pick out every part where the girl who is mostly getting hurt could save herself and stop the fight. I think of all the perfect things she could have said, or how she could have just walked away. But she kept it going. So, so stressful to watch. I'm one of the most unviolent people I know. I do anything I can to avoid a fight. I'll apologize endlessly, I'll beg the person to leave me alone. I guess I don't really care how pathetic I look doing it.

In my eyes, it's better to look weak than so scary that your own friends are afraid of you.

I hate Chuck Palahniuk

It honestly annoys the shit out of me how people tend to be obsessed with him and his quotes. Quotes that make NO sense half the time, might I say. Call me ignorant for saying this, but I have felt like this about that guy for a while now hahaha.
And I pinky promise this is not referring to anyone in particular!
I love things that make sense. I really don't like weird stories at all, to be honest. Random ones. I realized that this is why I don't like Fight Club much. Because the script is so fucking WEIRD.


...
Sorrrrry I had to get that out haha I saw a quote from him a few minutes ago and just had to rant.




On a lighter note!

This was in Fahrenheit 451, the book we're reading in English now.

"We are in the age of disposable tissues. Blow your nose on a person, wad them up, flush them away, reach for another, and repeat."


I really liked that :]



Buffalo Exchange tomorrow with Kate. I hope they actually take some of the clothes I bring in for once!

It's so hard

making yourself happy, and pleasing yourself, while trying to keep others happy too.





There is actually a point to this, but I'm to wussy to post it.

Getting it out

It's getting really annoying how all you talk to me about anymore is "are you walking home with us?" and then get mad if I say no.

I don't like walking home. Sorry, I just don't. Sometimes it's nice, but I prefer not to usually if I don't have to. I love talking to you, don't worry. But really, it's getting annoying how that's literally all you say to me anymore.
Sorry, if you're reading this, I DON'T MEAN TO BE BITCHY. I just had to get it out.
I still love you, I love you <333


Ummm anyways, today was nice! I liked it :D


PS. I wish you seemed to actually miss me, and maybe even want to hang out with me like we used to all the time.

I've told you this before. Sorry, I hope I'm not getting annoying about this. I just REALLY enjoyed talking to you and hanging out with you. We used to so much.

It actually kind of depressed me how you never even TRY to get in contact with me. There's myspace, facebook, and we do go to the same school of course. I mean, I guess I should try to talk to you more. But that's just how I am. If someone stops talking to me, I just wait for them to start again. I feel annoying if I do it first. Like OMG Y AREN'T U TALKING 2 ME?!?! You know?
I guess I am being unfair. You're ALWAYS grounded, and never are able to have your phone cause your dad always takes it. But I have just felt like this for a while.
You've told me you miss me, but you never seem to show it. When you write about how "you've cut out a lot of bad people from your life and now know who your real friends are", I wonder EVERY TIME, was I one of those bad people? I wasn't aware of it if I did anything wrong... :[


Whatever, I guess I'll just say this. I hope me writing all this about you doesn't upset you, because that was definitely not the intention. I'm really, really sorry. I know how annoying it is for someone to say stuff like this where the world can see. But I'm used to letting it all out on here.Anyways,
I miss you Michael Fitzgerald. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.


I bet this will be another post I'll regret, because of how lame I sound (and bitchy :/ once again, not the intent and I'm sorry!!)

Lately

:/
I suck, I suck. I wish I hadn't developed this body issue. It's really just one part of my body though so I will be fine, I hope.
Talking about it at lunch with Danielle today though really helped. Thank you soo much. I think I just had a bad body-day the other night.
WOW I SOUND SO DUMB AND ANOREXIC. Stopping now!



Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e- mail?
A: Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manual.’

Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.


This whole post is so pointless. I have a feeling I will re-read this one at some point and wanna punch myself hahahaha

Complaint

Since I don't really drink or smoke, I never get invited to do much anymore!


Sucky, sucky.
I'M STILL FUN GUYS, REALLY!

:[

If you leave, who will I text constantly, with the knowing I can see them in person the next day?
Who will I get to see every day?
Who will go on random bike rides with me?
Who will always be there to listen to my problems...in person?
Who will I go to lunch with all the time?
Who will I see EVERY day?

Who will be the most comforting person in my life?



...

This makes me sound like I'm taking all my friends but you for granted. I don't mean it that way at all. But I'm going to be honest...almost NOBODY means as much to me as you do. I hope that doesn't sound weird. But I've completely opened myself up to you and now you might leave?


I thought I was getting used to the idea. But I guess not.

So tired

I hope I wake up soon.



"I stroke the hell out of mademoiselle
who insisted every night, she get her back twisted in the unlisted"

Love that song, love that song so much.


You know, I have a feeling that if worst comes to worst, and she leaves, then you and I won't be as good of friends anymore. I love you and adore you, I really do. But it seems like without her, we just wouldn't talk as much. I hardly ever see you except when you're at her locker with her. I hate it. I really care about you. I feel like you think I'm boring sometimes, but that's only because I'm not completely comfortable around you. If we talked and hung out more, I would become more comfortable. And no, I blame none of this on you. I had that same problem with her when I first became friends with her. It took me about a year almost to become really comfortable around her. Now I can tell her ANYTHING without feeling weird. Anyways, I consider you one of my best friends because you give good advice, and even if I'm not always that comfortable around you, I do feel pretty safe. You're one of those people who actually stands up for their friends. I love it, I'm glad I have you in my life even if we don't talk that much.


...oh I guess I'll just say this. Danielle, I hope things work out for your family. Sienna, I hope we stay close if they don't.

I love you both.

Mk

Obviously it's never going to happen. Moving on now...


I might get to see Santigold, Michael Franti, and Soja, in concert next month. That would be wonderful :]
I looove Santigold. I thought her name was "Santogold" though, until, like, twenty minutes ago though hahahahaha dammit!

Weirdo

I'm really tired. I need to go to bed early tonight to catch up on sleep. Ahh!

I got a text from a random number yesterday, just saying "hi!".

Me: "who is this?"
Kid: "ryan. we met at the mall once with gabe and cheyenne. i thought u were hot so i got ur number." (kiiiinda creepy considering I don't remember this "meeting" at all haha)
Me: Ohh I don't remember, sorrrry :/
Kid: no problem. so whats up!


...it's like, umm I'm not gonna talk to a weird guy who I've never even seen. And I hate when people text like "u" and "ur". UGHH.

And then he texted me later and was like "im going to see a movie tomorrow after school. want to meet up?"
NO NO NO. I didn't reply, assumed he got the hint
BUT

then when I was trying on clothes today with Sylvie at TJ Max (good prices :]), I get a text from him saying "where are u?".

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY yeah no!
I get creeped out by boys so easily, it's annoying. That's why I NEVER hang out with guys. They have to give off the right vibe, if you know what I mean. It almost never happens with girls though. I have NO clue why. I've noticed I do tend to like girls more, and just get along with them better in general. They laugh so much easier than most guys, I love it :]

This post is going nowhere.
Old Navy has some sweet prices, even if they do sell some weird stuff. Saaaaame with TJ Max. Maxx. Maxxx. Whatever it is hahaha.

Tell me what to swallow

by Crystal Castles is suuuuuch a soothing song.



I was in a bad mood during 3rd today, and I actually let it show for once. Danielle was letting me look at a Cal Young yearbook, and Coleton took it from me. It pissed me off more the longer I waited, because I wasn't done. I hate having to stop something before I'm done. Whether it's homework, tests, a painting, or reading a yearbook in this case. After about ten minutes, I got it back, but I was already in a pissed off mood. That is SO rare for me. I'm generally like Ms. Sunshine...at least on the inside haha! Anyways, I did get to finish it, thank goodness. It was the one where all the juniors this year were 6th graders. Wow, that's a really long time ago...like five years ago. I just thought about that. Some people looked reeeeally different, some looked almost the exact same.

Oh, and Cal Young kids dressed way better than most of us Monroe kids did. Hands down hahahahahaha.



Good times keep rolling, rolling,
got to escape now
good times keep rolling, rolling,
got to escape now.
good times keep rolling, rolling,
got to escape now.
good times keep rolling, rolling,
got to escape now.

Dry cleanin'

I have a crush on you...and you. I love being attracted to people. I just wish I wouldn't STOP liking someone when they admitted to liking me too. It happens every time I like someone. Except once! And that was with Nichole <3
This is the very reason I NEVER have good relationships, or long one. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

Anyways
I was talking to Kyrah at lunch today, and I asked her if a certain girl was still dating this one guy.
Kyrah: No, not any more. They broke up a while ago.
Me: What! Why?
Kyrah: Ohhh she just told me that she didn't really like him. She kind of stopped after he asked her out. It's like...
Me: The thrill of the chase?
Kyrah: Exactly!
Me: Oh god. My life story, EVERY TIME. Poor girl!

I hate it, I hate it. It's almost routine. I like them, they ask me out or admit they like me too. I stop liking them immediately but feel to guilty to tell them. We possibly date. I can last about a week of this before I begin to feel like I'm suffocating. I've asked friends, and even Yahoo answers about how they got over that problem. They'd either say "I don't do that" or "I dunno..." or "you just have to meet the right person!"
I wish I COULD meet the right person. It's really annoying. I want a boyfriend but I know that will just happen all over again. It'd be great if it wouldn't though :[
wahh.


I sound really pathetic, oh well.

I can almost recite this word for word :] I died laughing the first few times I saw it. I adore Natalie Portman!
Although I find it odd that her real name is Natalie Hershlag.




I WISH IT WOULD HEAT UP OUTSIDE SO I COULD START RUNNING MORE!