Whenever I see you, I always get the urge to be popular. Not friends with everyone in school popular, but the stuck-in-the-preppy-girl-clique popular. You know? I guess you dropping me as a friend because you got popular makes me feel like this. I forget about you a lot of the time, but when I look at all your facebook pictures with the "cool" girls and the charismatic jock boys, I'm reminded of what you dropped me for. I'd like to congratulate you though with sincerity. You got your dream. You are now bffs with the cool girls, you're incredibly beautiful, and you have a popular boyfriend. Everyone who knows you seems to love you. I don't have a problem with you, but here's my issue. I always want to impress you, to let you know that I'm not the ugly middle school loser you once knew. I'm cool now, I can honestly say that. I've been assured I'm pretty. I've been told I have cute style. I'm not super annoying anymore. I'm hardly ever fake to people, if I like them then I'm nice, if I don't like them then I'm mean. People hang out with me.
But, I'm guessing they're not the RIGHT people in your book. Most of them aren't "cool" to you. Whenever I see you, it feels like the annoying little middle school girl in me comes out. My voice seems to automatically get high pitched and annoying when I talk to you. It's so irritating. I can always see in your eyes, and the way you regard me, that you still think I'm lame.
I just want you to see that I'm COOL now. I'm friends with lots of people. I know I know, so conceited, but I really needed to get this out....
:/
I think maybe part of the reason you want her to see you're cool now is because subconsciously, you want her approval. You feel bitter about the reason she dumped you as a friend and want her to see that you've changed and could fit her "standards" now. It's kind of like you want to prove yourself, right? Wow that paragraph make me sound like I think you're shallow or something, but I DON'T, I swear. I just mean that when people don't like us, it's our natural reaction as humans to want to prove that person wrong. Right?
ReplyDeleteWell, I want to tell you flat out that you don't have to prove yourself to ANYONE. You are an amazing, beautiful person. Middle school was an awkward time for all of us, and you have definitely changed a lot since then, but always remember that a true friend won't ditch you for not being cool enough. You don't need her approval. You have good friends, and a good life, and that is what really counts in the end. It's always good to be friendly, but if she doesn't seem excited about talking to you, then let that be her problem. Also, try to think about all the benefits of not being THAT popular, like never having serious drama in your life. Isn't it nice to not be surrounded by catty girls all the time, or guys who oftentimes turn out to be douchebags? If you were like her, or in her circle of friends, you'd probably have to deal with that every day. You are in control of YOUR life, and that is a wonderful feeling, isn't it?
I honestly feel bad for her sometimes, because even though she is still really nice most of the time and I like her as a person, I feel like the people she hangs out with aren't that great. They may be "popular," but a lot of them strike me as really shallow. Do you think she ever really has a reliable shoulder to lean on? It's possible, but with all the drama that goes on in the "popular" groups, I kind of doubt she has anyone she can REALLY trust 100%.
You, on the other hand, are a smart and beautiful girl who makes good decisions and has plenty of good friends. Including, cough cough, me ;) I love you by the way. I really hope you take some of this to heart, because I don't want you to dwell on this. Like I said, you don't need her approval. I noticed in your post you said, "I'm cool now, I can honestly say that. I've been assured I'm pretty. I've been told I have cute style. I'm not super annoying anymore. I'm hardly ever fake to people, if I like them then I'm nice, if I don't like them then I'm mean. People hang out with me." The fact that YOU know all that counts for everything. If you like yourself, other people will follow. Maybe someday this certain girl will realize how awesome you are, or maybe she won't. But either way it shouldn't matter, because you are you, and you are great. I know that for a fact :)