Gaps

It bugs me how awkward/uncomfortable I can get. When people spill their problems to me lately, I tend to just make jokes about it and avoid getting into emotional talks. I've noticed that sometimes when I give people big, supportive speeches, my voice cracks a lot. I almost cry. And it drives me up the wall! I guess that's taught me to steer away from those kinds of talks unless it's important. But if it's just a little problem that I know they'll get over, I just joke my way out of it. I hate it. I used to be super affectionate, and was always up things like that. I used to love giving people hugs and was always yelling, "I love you!" at my friends in the hall. But now I never give hugs, and when I do, they can be so uncomfortable. I never tell people I love them, just vaguely return it. I actually know who influenced me to be like this. I would still be super affectionate if not for the person. But I won't name then because it really doesn't bother me that much. The speech thing does, but I didn't get that from anyone. I brought that on myself. And I'm working on these things anyways.

I just wish I was more touchy feely with people. But another thing that makes it hard is being bi. I've had girls be uncomfortable because of that, and I've just learned not to try to and be all friendly with them anymore, even if I know they won't judge me or make assumptions. It's just a habbit. I wish it would leave..




^^^
ps. Completely different topic, but hahahahaha story of my life!